a battle between devil and angel


Dear Santa,

recently there has been a battle btw angel and devil in my mind...
following is the conversation between them...

devil: dun worry too much,just a small exam..n only 15 % counted, so dun worry too much..iif tired go to sleep first,,,or go watch drama series first relax..

angel: hey...if u dun overcome ur fear now by working extra hard, then u will be a loser in ur life!!!overcome ur fear( emm..y sound like my lovely teacher , miss jaspal?????)

summary above is the essence of their coneversation..
aa,,,but i am frustrated now, and my mind fluctuating btw this two creature ..

so pls, my dear dear Santa yeryer, pls let the angel in my mind win the battle eventually,,...

that is the only wish for my xmas this year...

Love,.
pig

ya...today really feel better....it was too long a story which i dun wanna mention this unpleasant memory ......

today , my flat corridor seemed quieter than usual...more ppl going back ,,,rooms opposite me all with light off, msn no more ppl on9 at the night time, all these suddenly make the loneliness in my heart expands...

but no matter how, cant cause troubles to marina n shi wen ,,,cant pass my worry to them...independence, i need most now..

think on the positive side, maybe that is good for me as god is asking me time to concentrate to my study,,..'overcome my fear, as miss jaspal said, if not it will only keep expanding n i noe clearly i wanna stop it....

em...ya...life not too bad cz this fri will go to have dim sum n next sat is my london trip...hurray!!!!!!!!!!!!! =)

ya, jackson, thanks ,,,n i will think positively......

tmr is my last seminar for trust.....last chance for asking teacher..& today is my last day ask my genius fren & wednesday more frens go back
-suddenly feel so lost...

but, no matter how pressure i am, tmr must smile to others..as everyone here also as stressful as me..cant continuously like that...dun wanan like form four tat time-like the bao1 gong1 face..............scary, not cute at all!!!!

just wanan find a field n run all the way////////
n wanan scream as loud as i can....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa!!!!!!!11

okie...imagine enuff,
dun wanna spoit my image....though since the beginning i dun have any image at all...
-_-'

'after raining, the rainbow willl come out....'





everytime wen there is somebody i like i will give up first b4 the love can grow, b4 any chance can develope btw us...
tat day talking with fren, only realise we ar same,
wen come to love, we always at the passive side.....as to me dignity is more importnat...n i just scared, scare that i will gt hurt again...

now i am relieved ....cz i no longer cast any hope on that guy who i continue to hope that he will turn his head back n look at me..

"[eureka'!!!''...i am no longer bound by this curse...distance n time really can help one forget everything...=)

now.,,,,i wanan concentrate on my study..pa, ma ,,,sorry i was not a good gal here...but fr now , wanna be a good, a rajin gal ....aa...but that means the power of my glasses will increase again -_-'

these few days luckily got marina accompany me, if not really dunnoe how to survive here, especially wen the exam period coms, it is always the time i miss home most//////she is like a da ka jie to me...nice to hav a big sister to take care of me...so even friends all later will go back soon to malaysia, i think my life here wont be so bad....

today i dun wana complain abt the pass, but wat i can do now..

from now, i dun wanna think how much times i have wasted,
instead how much time i can earn from now...
everytime in exam, desperatey wanna find ppl to talk to..but this time i really dun wanan show my depressed face to other, as that only will demotivate other ppl..

'jia you'-it is a simple word bt really means a lot to me...thanks , thanks for those always support me during exam..it is wer my momentum come from...

so frens, gambate!!life is tough but life wont b so hard bcoz of one's encouragement...=)

now only left 39 days fr my exam...start can feel the stress...but feel the loneliness first as quite a lot of frens will go back to home country to celerate x mas...

feel insecured cz the fren who helps me lots in study go bc as well...emmm.i said b4 that i will try not to rely on ppl for study but i jz cant, really need one to guide me in study...at least one i can discuss with ....wat shd i do now???all teacher will go on their vacation for xmas,....no one can i ask...i am all by my own...


aa...today watch series continuously for more than 8 hours as dun wanan back to study....broke my record in my life again...

dun worry th thing i cant do, but instead i shd focus the thing i can do now....

okie...wanna finish 3 certainty's note today, if not , i dun wanna sleep!!!!!!!

i am scared,
jz discuss the exam questions with my fren , he seems to noe everything . conversly i noe nothing at all.///-_-
though he is helpful , bt i cant trouble ppl so much...
okie..will gambate to solve the problem so thtat next time i wont that blur///....
too many need to study yet even aft did much study i cant solve the problem..

miss jaspal said 'overcome ur fear'...
ya, teacher,i will try to solve my problem bit by bit/...i will overcome it myself...

bt really though i always push my sis to study, bt wen come to me, i cant,...emm...hope my kor is here inspire me to study....hope min lee, emily is here sp we can gambate tgt..hope miss jaspal is here, saying to me that u must overcome ur fear, overcome it..

all these encouraging words i noe,,,,bt i jz cant do it thse few days//..it is time to concentrate..n no time cryin....

okie,,,,vent all my emotion aldy..wnana back to study....jia you oo!!! n i am not alone, at least my sis is fighting her exam battle as well...must think positively...jia you =O

these 2 days dun noe y aft eating dinner feel like vomiting...is it bcz i am getting sick of abc soup or is it bcz of the chicken cause the problem///..-_-
OKIE...NO MORE ABC SOUP THIS WEEK....


anywer...no matter how unwell i am, still need to gambate today!!!wanna finsh the essay today !!!gambate to me...!!! somore the handsomee teacher so nice , say can mark for my paper,,,okie...dun wanan disappointed him!!!hihi=)

oya...here is so cold now...alll the trees almost bold n the interesting thing is my good fren/s room just opposite me, n cz the tree is botak now, can peep her and we een waive to each other while talking to the phone...haha, funny...that is the funny part of hostel life...ooo...so cool!!!haha....but also cant do any embarrassed thing otherwise let her noe then i cham lo...

okie....write till here....i better work harder fr now ..dun wanan regret!!!

frustrated..l.

too much i need to study/..bt i am lost....
try tto concentarte the whole day bt i just fail to do so..
no one i can rely on, no one i can ask...

ytd having a long talk with the genius in my class, feel even inferior y i am so lazy...

i know clearly wat i need to do, bt just cant evn take the first step to do so///...
i keep saying 'gamabet' to myself bt now, i even have no energy to say so...

overcome ur fear, i always say to others bt this time my fear bcome larger n larger..

fighting..this is my own battle, n i have tio fight till the end...tired, bt life stilll need to carry oon...jia you la.,,, tan lih choon!!!!

since i came here, never really miss home like today...
dunnoe y>>???bt i think it is normal since i also wonder y till now only i start getting homesick...

really lucky i feel since i reached here as gt lots of ppl there willing to help u without hopinng any benefit in return...(thanks to my mum'pray..hihi)

paiseh....having me as a fren is , honestly, very troublesome ..cz i always blur, bad in computer and there is nothing i good at...so always end up to keep giving troubles to ppl ard me..(old fren shd noe how blur i was and am...haha)
i am sorry bt i jz feel helpless wn coming to deal with all the administratibve and phone stuffs....

here,, there is 3 ppll i meet here make me feel i am not lonely..
first is marina, shi wen and tc...

they ar the ones who always have to listen to my complaints , always there wen i nedd assistance...

marina, a very nice gal who cooked me the tomyam soup wen i fell sick that time..
really touced that time...is like my "da ka jie'...
and she is the one who dun mind to walk far to buy stuffs//...so we always walk to shop which is 20minute walking distance fr our place....so can save $$$ for ttransport...(haha..see, i am such a good gal..)...so happy can find a fren that can accompany me wen shopping../

b4 i came manchester, so scared tat i can never meet any closed fren here...bt luckily. bside marina, shi wen is the fren i lepak with most of the time..(ks, her name is shi wen, bt gt bf aldy ok???so u have no chance la...disapointed?? =) )
back to topic, emm...she is a very nice, kind and outstanding, pretty gal , bt also as blur as me(bt mayb i am worse)...so that y we can be good fren ,,haha,,cz blur ppl can mix well with blur ppl...alway lend me books to photocopy., explain seminar question to me bt at the same time always wana be the "matchmaker' for me....haha & always go shopping tgt...n the problem is now we actually lepak and lepak longer time ...like today leapk till the day getting dark then only wnan bc home..=)


the last person i wanana thank is tc..he is the one told me wer to put the bag in the plane, the one who borrowed me his phone to call bc home upon reaching manchester, the one who is my hk series provider and the one who gave me the free ticket to watch movies...& the one who always help me to buy bread n chicken pies..and the one who "stole' or more correctly " take witout permission"' the sandwich for us during orientation and the one who dun mind walking to asda(which is 20 min walking distance) just to take all the freshers there.. and the one who chat with me wen i lonely...oya,,,and the "egg-kaya& chicken rice"" =)

ya, he is a person that treat very nice to all ppl...n wont discriminate agst ppl..unlike some guys, only give special treatment and assitance to pretty gals only....that y we all the freshers very respect him..(Tc, feel proud?? =)
& really feel paiseh n thanks,thanks for helping me so much since i came here..)

n Ya,bcoz of these 3 nice nice ppl, i never feel lonely here...



ok, that is the happy part of my life here, bt now, today, starting to feel more n more stressful aft having conversation with my classmates duriong celebrtation for joshua's bod...my classmates ard me all study very consistantly, very hardworking and in comparison, i am such a lazy worm, always feel lost in the class, dunnoe what the lecturers talking abt in class and seminar...
all frens seemd understand wat the teachers teaching and i am the one who blur totally fr the beginning of the class till the class end..
never in my life have that kind of feelig that i will fail for my exam.,,,..

i just cant find time to study, even i gt time, i study very slow cz the textbbok is so hard to undersatnd...i cant tell my family the problem i facing..so evreytime they ask abt study i will lie...
they alway thought that i am very hardworking bt actualluy i am not..that y i feel more n more gui;ty right & tired now................

and to make thing worst , i din buy any textbook here cz they ar so expensive and i really getting tired of having to rush to library and return the short loan book b4 11.45am...really will gt heart attack if u cant return it on time cz the fine is RM14 for late return....-_- and i kena fine of rm rm2 8 aldy...and the law book so many ppl waiting to borrow it, so i have to queqe in order to gt the book i want,..then have to do all the phocopying work myself cz here, photocopying is self-service...

now is 2 ,15am aldy,,,wnna go to sleep ..tmr will be better , i think,... and gambate to me!...and really dun wanana cry for the coming exam....so i better gambate fr now and dun wanan be a pig pig anymore!!!@@@@@@@@@@@@@@..........

emm....quite a long time didnt upload my profile....
cz only willl write it wen i sad or feel depressed..bt today diferrent, jz feel like wanna summarise how my life is in this lovely city...haha

Since i came to manchester, surprisingly i have adapted well to the life here...it isnt as lonely as i thought my life here would be.....Paradoxically, it is fulled of fun and joys....as i meet a lot of nice people here, either on the plane or in the uni itself......

till now, i havent gt really homesick yet.....instead i Love the hostel life so much..-cz can talk crap everyday without getting tired of it...haha///omg...i also wonder since wen i become so chatty.....=O
,though at the same time feeling guilty as my study and homeworks start to piling up...
so everyday will be feel so guilty wen in the class...bt aft that, just ignore it..then next morning regret again...

ai....wish there is someone can scold me to wake up fr the laziness...cant really concentrate thse few days...just wondering why??is that bcz i lepak for such a long period or i just trying to run away fr the problem i m facing???
i really dun wana be a crying baby that always cry b4 exam...wen will i learn my lesson??


Here, although dun have teh tarik, dun have roti canai,,,bt still, i still lepaking a lot...
most of the time we lepak in china town to have all the nice food, especially the dim sum...it is the nicest i have ever taste...it is so yummy....but now cant really 'lepaking' so much , cz no $$$$$ aa....

-_-


somemore till now i still cant cook well...almost evry single meal i cook failed....ai...
really miss my's mum food...i wanna eat chili's prawn aa!!!!!!!!!...but wat can i do...who ask me so lazy to learn to cook last time..
that y suffer now....

okie....that is a short summary how my life here..and really, i noe, i must focus on my study now...dun wanan feel guilty everytime i call bc home....

gambate!!!!!, cant be <)-@@-(> anymore !!!!!!!!!

now still have abt one weeks will be my departure date ....
met few friends today,actually i am so happy can meet them again ...but this is also the last time i see them before i fly off....

Suddenly, just realize that the time i left here is not so much aldy,,,so feel a little bit sadnesss at the deep of my heart..cz friends that i treasure are no more by my side...

but still, i think i am lucky....feel touched when they all came n gave me "hug hug" b4 we went bc...=)



mentally, i am still not prepare fuly yet....but i know no matter how tough the life is, i am still the luckier..cz my fanmily sacrifice a lot for my tuition fee..
so, cant disappointed them....i believe i can do it, but just give me some time to adapt to it...

i no longer waiting for the guy who i loved,,,as i wont see him frequently,wont hear fr him oftenly.... so glad that i can throw this burden behind me eventually...do i manage to do that???i am sure i can...

My penang's trip.......

Penang, a trip i will never forget...there were so many nice food there-the most i remember was the cha que tiaou.....my friend ate it every single meal in Penang without getting sick of it!!!!!

The uniqueness of it is that it always comes together with 2 big big prawns on it...make it looked so yummy!!!! Eating,is the main & only thing we did in Penang......
the nicest meal is the seafood near the fishing village...(forgot the name aldy)....
but also the most expensive meal we had....




AAA,also the cendol & the penang ccoconut u can never miss them if u go to penang!!!!


the coconut is not the ususl type we found in Johor....but according to my peang fren,it called "pandan coconut" ,which supposed to have the pandan taste in it,but i think we were cheated cz i couldn't taste its speciality......-_-

But, still, we enjoyed it!!!haha...can u feel it???







In Penang, we also went to a Sleeping Buddaha temple....the interesting part is that there got a artificail pond and u can throw coin into spinning bowls which stated different trems -like "prosperous", "happy marriage","higher education" .....the happiest thing is that the first coin i threw succesfully dropped into the "prosperous"pot....i was so lucky!!!!!!haha, or can said i am a "Best shooter" !!!!





see, the chance of throwing the coin in at the first attempt is so slim...so hopefully i can become a rich rich gal in the future...haha...(since when i become so realistic???!!!!)


Another thing worth mentioning is that my friend successfully threw the coin into the "happy marriage "pot...she said that one is praying for her brother wor...though i never really believe,,,sure it is a pray for her & her boyfriend's futrure cz she tried several times n found the closest place to stand before throw....=)!!!!!!!

Wish can go to penang again next year i come back malaysia!!!!really thanks to my two penang friends who were the best tour guide ....But the imperfect thing in this trip is that my best friend min lee did'nt go together with us ...

less than 2 months before i will go to uk, starting to feel nervous going there ,worry that i will become quieter than now......but i noe it definitely is a journey that full with challenges & a crucial step which willl decide my future....
Now keeping to think how the condition will be without me being here....will anyone notice my absence here aft i go to uk?? perhaps it is a good start for me to forget the pass that i couldn't throw away from my memory....three years aldy it had been in my mind...but i noe it is just a matter of time for me to heal from hurt....cause feeling will grow or become weaker as the time pass....that is wat i truely believe....

my result had been released few days ago -4a1B....but i dunnoe how to describe my feeling....unlike my fren who get the same result, jumping n shouting, i can't feel the happiness in my heart...instead i feel like i only fulfill my task, my duty......sometimes i wonder am i too greedy??.....

still remember the day before the resulde relesed i was so helpless.....but this time i told no one coz i noe there will be no shoulder for me to lean when in uk.....it is time for me to be more independent.....n wat make me feel proud is that this final exam i dun need my brother's assistance & though i still cried, but cry lesser n found myself actually i can be stronger than wat i thought...unlike a level that time keep troubling people...haha

now i cant wait for my penang trip on wed.... hopefully it wil be fun n siok!!!=)